maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
