i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
