I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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