if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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