Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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