Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
