So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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