Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize