When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
