are you so shy because you have an std?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
