so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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