8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
