jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
