Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I want to have your abortion
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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