hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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