Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
