This girl is more easily done than said...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Operation Purity has been aborted
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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