If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
