so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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