the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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