how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
