Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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