I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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