Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
