Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
