Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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