Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
