Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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