Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
