Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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