oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
