Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize