i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
