dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
