Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
