my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
