we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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