beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
