physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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