I am puke
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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