remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
