Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
