Where are you?
In a non slutty way
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
