my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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