if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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