I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
