My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
