and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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