ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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