the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize