you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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