Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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