That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
