So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
