I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There's always time for handjobs
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
