Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
