I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
