Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just pynch a tree in the face
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
