i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just want nice things and good sex
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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