Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
