ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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