I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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