I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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