i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
