I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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