I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
