i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
